I’m going to edit you, baby, all night long.

January 24, 2009

It was perfect timing, really.

Call it serendipity, the work of  a benevolent universe, or just plain dumb luck, but one day after I wrote about my TV addiction (blamed, like all good children, on my parents), proof that TV viewing can be immensely beneficial arrived in my e-mail.

I subscribe to several feeds but, unlike, say, dictionary.com and its pesky Word of the Day, the Survivor Fan Wiki actually cares for my well-being. And by well-being, I mean my sex life. And by sex life, I mean don’t tell my wife or she’ll want one too.

It’s all worked out rather nicely, actually. I signed up to the wiki to share the views of fellow Survivor fans. Now, it appears, I’m about to share their hidden immunity idols. This is the kind of Reward Challenge that really is worth playing for.

By now, you’ve probably guessed the good news. Yes, that’s right — yet another letter from a fellow Jeff Probst fan who saw my Profile (it must be a zinger, although I’ve long since forgotten what I actually wrote there) and who now wants to light my torch.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present *drum roll* Christiana!

nice to meet you.

My name is christiana, i just went through your profile when i was searching
for love, I have no options than letting you Know that I am infected
and affected by your profile on a dating site.survivorwiki.wetpaint.com
that is why i wish to have a relationship with you, I will also like
to Know you more,i will be very greatful to have you as my loved one.
so you can reply back to me through this address and i will also send
you my pictures. I believe we can move from here. But bear in
mind that Love has no colors barrier, no educational back ground barrier, no
socio-economic Barrier, religious, language, nationality or distance barrier,
the only important Thing there is love. I am waiting for your mail at
(christianai@****.com).
Thanks for your cooperation.
from
christiana.

This, I’m assuming, is why God invented the Internet. So the inhabitants of Planet Man — unshaven, undressed, slurping coffee while their morning breath steams up their monitors — can be infected by the virus of love. Because, as my dearest, darling Christiana so eloquently points out, love is the “only important Thing.” (Note the use of upper case — that’s so damn cute!)

Far more important, I’m assuming, than such trivial details as a green card or my bank account information or my credit card numbers.

I fall to my knees every day and thank http://www.godsoftheuniverse.com for the likes of Christiana. She is obviously someone who can peer beyond the rough edges to the true soul that lies within each of us. I know, because she fell in love with me based on little more than my profile. How can you doubt someone with that kind of insight?

Just as my professional life has grown a bit stagnant, this divine creature comes into my life to awaken my senses. I can see us together now: Christiana lovingly touching all my barriers and me, lingering over her letters to other lonely Survivor fans, red pen in hand, gently editing her words, kneading her sentences, massaging her paragraphs, running my fingers across her wetpaint.com.

Oh, yes, I see this relationship having a long and deep and meaningful future. That’s how infected I’ve become.

I can feel my blood pounding harder just thinking about her. I’m pumped. I’m engorged with excitement. I’m finally going to take my future in my own hands and squeeze it for all its worth.

Just as soon as her pictures arrive, of course.

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2 Responses to “I’m going to edit you, baby, all night long.”

  1. […] I’m going to edit you, baby, all night long. « Bitemymoko […]

  2. Megan said

    I like the idea of editing with a red pen.

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