My kids can’t have sex until after I’m dead. And other fun facts.

February 2, 2009

This is probably another embarrassing indication of how far out of the tech loop I really am, but I’ve only recently clued into a new “sharing” phenomenon where you are supposed to write a note containing 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself.

Both my adult children have produced just such a list which, like any good parent, I read from behind spread fingers, wince reflex on Full Alert, lest some family (read: Dad) secret be revealed. My daughter’s list is on her Facebook site and so tucked away behind several layers of privacy. However, you can read my son’s random acts and facts at kolemanireland.com.

Their lists made for some interesting reading. My daughter’s regret at not having tried more hard drugs when she was younger made me sit up straighter. Uh, honey, sweetie, what — exactly — do you mean by “more”?

Several of my son’s entries have to do with urination. He’s an inhabitant of Planet Man — say no more.

I was pleased to see that no intimate relationship details were revealed. I’m going to assume that’s because there aren’t any, not after I made them promise years ago not to have sex until after I was dead. So far, it seems, so good. Mind you, I’m not sure how my son-in-law feels about this but he seems like a reasonable enough young man.

I’ll admit reading their lists did trigger thoughts of creating my own. Thoughts like: Do I dare? And, who the hell would want to read it?

On the slim chance I do decide to bare my soul, where does one start? And how do you cull it down to only 25 entries? If I wrote only one fact for each year I’ve been alive, I’d have . . . well, let’s just say there would be slightly more than 25.

Do you play it safe, like my daughter with her note about being unable to remember a single line from any movie she’s seen? But that wouldn’t be on my list because I do remember lines. OK, I remember three of them, and I’m not even sure they’re verbatim:

“How does Jesus look to you now, Bob?”

“Ignore the man behind the curtain.”

“I just filled the cup.”

Do you get personal with your list? And, if you do, is that comparable to offering to show someone your circumcision scar? While it may be awfully important to the list maker, there’s a good chance your readers’ first reaction will be to gag.

And how well-known should your random facts be? My friends and relatives (and the faithful reader of this blog) already know I’ve never had a drink of alcohol in my life, but strangers are often left shaking their heads in wonder at the news. Their second reaction? They ask if I’m Mormon. For the record: No.

I suppose I could include the tidbit about marrying the first woman I ever kissed. And that it took three weeks of dating before I worked up the courage to deliver said kiss. Except that might make me sound pathetic. Except my first wife might not want to be reminded she was once wed to that strange, hesitant fellow.

How deep do you dig for the list? And how much should you know beforehand about the statute of limitations?

You might be tempted to jazz up the list, just as you do with a resume, to make yourself appear dangerous, a flaunter of laws and mores. Of course, you might end up being treated like a pariah. Of course, you might end up in prison.

The more I pondered the questions, the more confused I became. In the end, I’ve decided to leave these sorts of tell-all, reveal-all fun-and-games to the youngsters. After all, if they’re anything like my wonderful offspring, their closets are relatively empty of skeletons, as opposed to the crypt-like storage units we baby boomers tend to lug around.

I will however leave you with one factoid: I was 22 before I got my driver’s licence. Which means, for the first two years of our marriage, my first wife did all the driving.

That’s a boring fact, you say? That’s all I got, sorry.

Well, that and this scar.

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One Response to “My kids can’t have sex until after I’m dead. And other fun facts.”

  1. Megan said

    I like reading those 25 random thoughts. It really lets you get to know people better. You should consider writing one. I’d be interested in reading it.

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